"An' if it harm none, do what ye will"

I think the vision of myself that makes me the happiest is that of me becoming the world's library. Knowledge, un-used, unapplicable, perfectly ordered and sorted. I believe that the more knowledge one has the more apt they are to discover patterns in the data, recurrences, cycles. They pursuit is not what matters to me. I do not enjoy reading, I enjoy understanding. I do not enjoy the pursuit of knowledge, I enjoy the possesion of it. this may not be philosophy, as Socrates by way of Dr. Goold's blog has enlightened me. But nonetheless, it is possesion that adds substance to my existence. Buddhists claim that the connection one ought to make with the universe is ontological: Everything is composed of the same stuff, and therefore one ought to be able to identify completely with everything else. That is how one connects to nature for them. But I see things differently. The connection that gives me the most substance and meaning is epistemological. You see, if I understand everything as merely a different part of the same existence, then my position in the universe has no significance. The idea of Buddhist sunyata, or emptiness, the idea that nothing has an identity apart from everything else, may be true, but to me this is not fulfilling in any way.Its understanding the data, and subsequently the systmes, that comprise existence that puts me in a better place emotionally and spiritually. I'd rather have knowledge than be knowledgable, i.e. I'd rather have already accomplished great things than be able to accomplish them without taking into account whether I have or not. This is simply how I feel, with a little bit about how I think. When I try to live in an existential manner, making the journey more important than the goal, I feel lost and as Sartre puts it "condemned to be free." If I am free then I have the freedom to relinquish it, even if this move is only temporary. I give up freedom in order to be a slave to my passion, and that passion is the need to have knowledge and understanding. Thats what I really want. Understanding.