Passing Through Unconscious States

The past seven or eight days have quite possibly been my best here at college yet. I've had so much fun, got a lot of work done, and have met a whole slew of new people. Ashlee and Laura came to Va Beach for their Spring Break, and I had a blast hanging out with them while they were here. They came on campus Wednesday night and we partied it up in the B-suite, until someone had a little too much to drink and needed to call it quits for the night. It was good though, everybody has those one of those nights at some point, and I got to chat with Ashlee for a while whilst taking care of her. Thursday I recouped from partying the night before only to party a little more that night (although I forgot exactly what I did that night. All I know is I had a good time, haha). Friday I got to hang out with Ashlee, Laura, Aaron, ad Nikki again, this time for most of the day. We did various things along the strip and the Oceanfront, and had a relaxing evening in the hotel room. I woke up slightly disoriented wondering for a moment how I woke up in a hotel room, but soon regained my bearings. After saying goodbye, I came back to campus for one hell of a night. Me, Drew, and Chris went to the Basketball game (which we won...Final Four Baby!!!) and that was a blast. Then the revelry began, as we party hopped around Village 3 from North Hall to the apartments to the townhouses. At some point that night I actually drunk dialed my sister, which mom wasn't too happy about. I don't think I ever drank that much in one night in my life, and although I ended the night on the toliet for about an hour, I'd say it was totally worth it. Village 3 was a massive party, and I got to partake in the festivities.

Come to think of it, I don't really remember exactly what happened the past couple days (maybe because I am currently at the tail end of an all-nighter and can't really remember much of anything right now). All I remember is the feeling that I had a great time! I got to see close friends from home, party with college friends here, and after all that I still had time to finish my midterms. Last Week = College Success Story.

I'm left now with a sense of longing, however, and maybe this past week is only going to cause me problems when I can't relive those moments for a long time, if ever.

Man, whatever. I feel pumped! Spring Break is going to rock, If all goes according to plan, Joe and I will be making the Mid-Atlantic College tour, topping it off with a weekend at Virginia Tech. Who could ask for anything more?

I've had this weird feeling...

The past week or so has been generally enjoyable with moments of frustration. I had a good weekend hanging out with some friends, hearing some good jams in the chapel (that's where people on campus are allowed to go if they want to rock out, day or night), making a few new auaintances at a party, and just bumming around the East suite watching the Olympics and shooting the breeze. I did get into a serious argument with a friend of mine Sunday night that has put our friendship on hold. I'm not sure how that is going to turn out, but being that we are both pretty stubborn I don't see any sort of reconciliation in the near future. Classes are going alright. I enjoy my Philosophy seminar, especially the reading we do in there, but I sometimes feel like we dwell on a topic too long without really making any intellectual progress. Greek is great, and so is New Testament. C.S. Lewis is okay, I just wish we got to debate and discuss Lewis' beliefs more, but all we end up doing is talking about his life. I took the class to learn from lewis, not learn about him.

All in all, things ave been going smoothly, with a few bumps in the road. I don't feel too uneasy about life right now, But I have this feeling of discomfort when I think about the coming months.

They are all late nights lately

An extended exhale enhances the buzz

Anti-Smoking Crusade

Recently I saw a commercial on tv sponsored by the anti-smoking organization known as "The Truth." It showed a montage of different teenagers sitting down, scratching their heads and looking puzzled. After about 30 seconds of this montage a voice in the background asks rhetorically, "Can you think of a reason why smoking is a good idea?" Obviously, the commercial intends on getting the viewer to agree with the implied message that there is indeed no good reason to smoke cigarettes.

But this commercial should be viewed by future generations as part of the propaganda our age much deal with. This commercial really doesn't want you to think long and hard about the merits or smoking; it simply wants you to quickly arrive at the conclusion that cigarettes are bad without thinking too hard about it. Why do they want you to arrive so hastily at this conclusion? Because if one truly considered the pros and cons of cigarette smoking, that person ought to be able to come up with both. There are, in fact, reasons why people smoke, and I believe that the reasonable voice in this debate has been ignored. No, I believe that the reasonable voice has not spoken up.

In my opinion, smoking cigarettes is not necessarily such a great evil as "The Truth" would have you believe. Participating in such behavior may be detrimental to the body, and may seem illogical and pointless in light of a balanced risk/benefit analysis, but I believe that there must be something valuable or seemingly worthwhile in such actions. It may be addictive, and given that fact, there are many people who have been sucked into the smoking culture without willing so themselves. However, Peer presure and nicotene are NOT the only reasons why people smoke. On top of those two reasons, people choose to smoke in order to feel good, since nicotene does can provide the smoker with a slight buzz. People also smoke in order to bond with other smokers, since a 15 minute smoke break may be the best or only opportunity that classmates, co-workers, and others may have to converse and relate to one another. On a more subconscious level, I believe that many people smoke in order to develop a personal ritual in a world where such a ritual may help to offset the meaninglessness and disorder that is everpresent in today's world.

People do, in fact, have what I believe to be legitimate reasons for smoking. Of course, even a balanced view of smoking much yield to statistical studies that point to smoking as being a cause of lung cancer, emphysema, higher blood pressure, and other negative effects on one's health. Smoking is bad for your body in the long run. But that is certainly not the whole story. "The Turht" will have you believe that it is stupid to smoke, but what is stupid, in my opinion, is the fact that no defense is given for smoking. I must admit, as I alluded to much earlier, I am not sure if the problem is that no-one has attempted to give a counter argument to "The Truth" or if it is that the anti-smoking campaign has stamped out any such defense with its propaganda. In any case, here is what I see as a balanced view of smoking. My gradfather died from lung cancer after many years of smoking, and many of my relatives are suffering under smoking's lon-term finanacial and health costs. I have seen what it does to people, and I know from looking at health studies (designed for the general public, since I am in no way an expert in the field of medicine) that smoking takes its toll on the body. But it can be good for the psyche.

I have recently began smoking cigarettes. I am purchased my third pack yesterday, and I started smoking sometime over winter break, about a month and a half ago. I can already start to feel the addiction subtely draw me, and I have found myself smoking outside of social situations (which is something I told myself I wouldn't do). But after examining my decision to smoke, and after rising above the obvious forces of peer pressure and addiction that may have their grapple hold on me, I come to the conclusion that smoking is not as inherently evil as tv commercials make it seem.

Please talk to me about this, because I would like to believe I am not a crusader for smoking. I know that out of the few people who may have read this far, there must be someone who disagrees. I welcome the dialectic.

Fumbling to Make Contact

I went to a party at Nathan's tonight and it was sweet! Now I'm up at 8am with nothing better to do than to write stuff in this blog.

I wanted to visit Ryan's grave today, but since I'm leaving for winter session I won't be able to. Its been a year since he died, and getting that phone call from Malkiewicz at around midnight or so was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I know other people were closer to him than I was, and other people were probably affected more than I was by his passing, but nonetheless it was hard on me too. Every now and then I'll remember him and his parents putting his baseball cap in his casket, and hearing Joe speak at the funeral and how that speech humbled me to tears, and finally watching the casket get lowered into the ground. Those images shock me still. Nothing is more real than death, because it forces you to question why you are alive and what you want to do with the time you have left.

I miss Ryan. I really do. I know a lot of people say that kind of stuff because it is fitting, or because they have become sucked into an overdramatic view of the situation. But when I think about all the fun I have hanging out with my friends here at home, and playing poker, and wing night, and bowling, and street sign stealing, and hookah bars, I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities to do all that stuff with Bowie. Its as if I was introduced into his close circle of friends just a little too late to be able to enjoy all those things with him.

I'm done pouring out my emotions I suppose. I don't want to go overboard and be in danger of becoming too pretentious in the process of remembering Ryan. Like I said, Iwas probably on his second tier of friends. The last time I saw him was driving him to his house after all the drunken revelry at Amber's the night before, probably about a week or so before his death. We were both probably too drunk from the previous night to drive, but I was better off than he was and so I drove him and his car to his house while he sobered up a little on the way, and then drove me back to my house afterwards. I still have the stop sign we stole from that night.

I will have to visit his grave when I come back from spring break.

My new life starts...now

From now on:

I will make all of my own decisions
I will not play fifty dollar poker games
I will go to the gym every day possible
I will not skip class
I will do all of my homework, on time
I will not eat out more than twice a week
I will go to at least one concert a month
I will keep a better log of the fraternity's transactions
I will give a serious report every week at Exec. board meetings
I will eat at least two, full feals a day
I will study my Greek flash cards every night during winter session, and every night before class during spring semester
I will make a better effort to hang around North Hall
I will keep my door open as often as possible
I will play my guitar everyday
I will keep track of my personal transactions
I will only drive other people's vehicles when absolutely necessary
I will purchase a new cd a month from Relative Theory

I may never look at this list again, but it hopefully represents the fact that I plan on living well when I get back to college. No more skipping class for two days straight for no reason other than sleeping in. No more eating at Wendy's every night for a week. No more drifting through. No more regrets.

Back to school in a couple days

I wonder if my college friends like bowling?

Stranded

That's right folks. I am stranded at the top of the Appalacian mountains in West Virginia tonight. The good news: they have running water and the internet (obviously). The bad news, however, is that I had several things planned for tonight back in Stafford. If I were home right now, I'd have already hung out with Ashlee for a while, had a cup of coffee with Kimmy, maybe would have gotten to see Kelly for a bit, and would be currently preparing to violate yard reindeer with Joe and Ronnie. Instead, I am here. Stranded.

The party at Wayne's last night was bangin'. I got to see several people I haven't seen in a while, witnessed several church friends get smashed, and I got to jam with Ryan and Justin Loucks for a good hour in Josh's room. I had a good time. Until I had to wake up this morning at 8am to come to West Virginia. I hope to God we leave EARLY tomorrow. I may still be able to hang out with Kimmy a little (which I've been wanting to do ever since break started, but things have gotten in the way, I guess). Joe may be up for something. But most likely, it will be too late to salvage this disasterous turn of events. Christmas Eve is not usually a good day for hanging out with people.

I started reading "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus. It was incredible for the first 3 or 4 pages, but I've come to the conclusion that it is either a terrible translation from the original French or it is way too pretentious for my taste.The actual analysis of Sisyphus and his eternal torment at the end of the book is well done, although some points ought to be clarified further. Maybe he does that clarification somewhere in the rest of the essay; I failed to pick up on it.

I think I'm going to try sleeping now. That is, afterall, one of the greatest cures for boredem, and shall allow time to pass quickly under the radar of my consciousness so that I may return to Stafford with much haste.

I also miss the mix tape I made for myself. I can only listen to David Phelps and Bill Gaither for so long before I explode into a giant green monster with purple pants.